Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Mind Games

            A few weeks ago, I watched an episode of the “Steve Harvey” show where he arranged for “Mr. Perfect” – a man considered to be the most desirable man in America – to meet 10 potential “Mrs. Rights” at one time. I mean, dude was in heaven!
I watched, in dismay, as the more aggressive women in this group of diverse, attractive, polished ladies jockeyed for Mr. Perfect’s attention. From butting in on other ladies’ five minutes with him, to French-kissing him in a corner, many of the women acted like they were part of a cattle drive. For real? 
The funny thing was that Mr. Perfect ended up choosing one of the more reserved women for his solo date, someone who was from another country he’d lived in before. This left the  overtly sexy, pushy, in-your-face women with only their 15 minutes of TV fame. 

Who Wins?

I mean, I get it. On one side are reports with marriage stats like one that came out in ‘92 – the year I turned 31 and was still single. It said that, according to the trends, 3 out of 4 Black women would marry later than White women, and a far greater proportion of Black women than White women would never marry. It was hard not to feel a slight sense of panic.
            On the other side are all the folks saying, “There’s somebody out there for everybody,.”  or “Ladies, there are plenty of men; you just gotta know where to find ‘em and snag them.” And if you believe the reports, of course you feel obligated to try all the techniques offered.
Emotional ping-pong anyone?

Play the Hand You’re Dealt

            For me to stay sane in the face of opposing messages, I lived my single life according to neither side. I lived in what was my current reality then. I was not a statistic, and I was not trying to snag every man in my view. I simply focused on keeping my life filled with positive friendships, activities, and purpose.
            That’s not to say that I completely ignored the statistics or the tips. I just didn’t allow my living to revolve around either. I figured if I just kept playing life as it came, the result would shake out however God intended.
            So don’t get trapped fretting about which side you’ll end up on. That’ll just mess with your head. Instead, make smart decisions and leave the ultimate result to God.  He’s the only one who already knows the outcome anyway. 

If you use that strategy, either way, you win!

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